Self Care for the Overwhelmed: Let it Go!
Have you ever had a moment of overreaction in your life? Maybe you started screaming because you couldn't find your keys, only to realize they were in your hand. Perhaps you were flipping someone off on the highway because they made a wrong maneuver. Or you were going on a tirade with your kids or partner because something wasn't done correctly. Maybe you were rude to a server because of a mistake in your order.
You know… sweating the small stuff. There are plenty of actual problems we face in life. There's no need to send ourselves over the edge for things that don't deserve that much negative energy. Focusing negative energy on the small stuff is draining your system.
I realize that simply saying "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "Let it go" is not much help. We've all heard it before and know we should let it go, but knowing and doing something is different. So the question is: How do we do it? Here are a few options to begin with.
First, be mindful of your feelings. The next time you notice yourself about to overreact or find yourself already overreacting, stop and take three deep breaths. Allow your system a moment of respite with the breaths, and then ask yourself: Is this a five-minute problem or a five-year problem? Is this something that will not matter five minutes from now, or is this something significant and life-changing that will matter five years from now? Notice what happens when you give yourself that small space and that time to choose your response rather than having your response control you.
Here's an example of how I used this recently. My beloved frequently (daily) leaves his clothing items pretty much wherever he removes them: the bed, the floor, the nightstand, the vanity, the bathroom counter… anywhere they fall. I've asked a couple of times (hundreds) if he would kindly put them away rather than leave them like a trail of breadcrumbs.
So, after a particularly long day, I started to get heated when I walked into the bedroom and then the bathroom to find various clothing items strewn about. Seriously, I was getting hot. It could have been a hot flash; who knows? I started clenching my teeth, mumbling a few choice words, stomping around the room, and picking the items up. Then, I realized what I was doing. I stopped and sat on the bed. I took three slow, deep breaths and asked myself the question. Is this a 5-minute problem or a 5-year problem? At first, I wasn't sure since it had been going on for over five years, so I explored more deeply while enjoying the breathwork.
I thought about why I get so upset over clothes on the floor. What is this really all about? Is he trying to hurt my feelings by purposely throwing his clothes on the floor? When I took a minute to pause, I knew the answer. No, he doesn't walk around the room, throwing his clothes everywhere to irritate me. He honestly doesn't even notice that he's doing it. It is not even on his radar 99% of the time. So, now I need a solution. Getting mad and giving the same speech about putting things away was not doing it. My moment of pause allowed me to come up with three choices:
I could do nothing and walk away.
I could pick the clothes up and put them away.
I could pick them up and create a pile in his direct path, hoping he would notice them and remember to put them away.
I chose option #3. It seemed like the most fun.
By being mindful in the moment, taking three deep breaths, and allowing my parasympathetic system to kick in with the relaxation response, I could calm down enough to think straight. I was able to pause and evaluate the situation. Realizing that it was just a 5-minute problem that didn't mean much in the big picture of life, I could let go of the negative energy and even laugh about it a little. Rather than ruin the next hour of my day by being mad and probably starting an argument later, I chose a better option and continued my day. Self-care: Let it go!
When we can let go of the small stuff, we conserve our energy and build the reserves for the times when it truly is a five-year problem. And when facing one of those major challenges in life, we have the reserves to kick it into high gear.
And, when it is one of those times in life when you have to face a significant challenge or loss, give yourself Permission to be Human! You have permission to feel all of your feelings. Whatever it may be, the highs, the lows, the frustrations, the anger, the fear, the sorrow. Trying to push down and stop the negative feelings doesn't serve us well. Feel them all, and then realize that you get to feel the gratitude, the joy, the love, and the hope even in the most challenging times. You have permission not to be perfect. You have permission to be a mess and a magnificent human being simultaneously. Let go of the expectations and just be. And, in the darkest of times, start to turn towards the positive. There is always a best moment, even on the worst day.
Wishing you an abundant life,
Karen
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