Self-Care: Cultivate Positive Emotions!
I'd love to start with a quote from Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a leader in positive psychology who has been studying positive emotions for over twenty years.
"Positivity opens us. The first core truth about positive emotions is that they open our hearts and minds, making us more receptive and more creative." Think about that for a moment. Would you benefit from feeling more open, receptive, and creative?
One way to practice self-care is to purposefully look for the positive and choose to move towards it. It seems easy, but it can be challenging because of our strong negativity bias. I should address the elephant in the room: Bad stuff happens. The negative aspects and events of life are real.
I'll never tell you that they aren't. Positive Psychology and Happiness Studies are not about pretending nothing is wrong and that life is filled with rainbows and butterflies. But, what we can learn from Positive Psychology and Happiness Studies is that we can hold the whole. Meaning there is bad and there is good. Both can exist at the same time. We do have the power to choose how we want to focus our attention.
First, we should understand that our brains are hardwired with a negativity bias. Dr. Rick Hanson says, "Our brains are like velcro for the bad and Teflon for the good." Have you ever had the experience of receiving almost entirely positive feedback on something you've done, but you end up focusing on the one negative comment you received? You receive nine glowing reports with constructive feedback, but one person rips you to shreds. Which one do you end up thinking about the most? Be honest. If you're like me, you focus on the negative thing. It's that negativity bias at work.
When you think about it from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense. We need to be able to identify and react to the things that can hurt us. It's our brain trying to protect us from harm. The thing is, the brain doesn't distinguish between a real threat to your life and some jerk making negative, useless remarks to you. There are many more examples of the negativity bias at work during our days.
Think of the news we watch and the stories we read. The vast majority is negative. Consider our conversations with people at work, at home, and in social circles. Are we celebrating small victories, recognizing excellence in coworkers, and lifting each other up, or are we focusing on what has gone wrong and needs to be fixed? How often do you find yourself complaining or listening to others complain? When someone starts sharing their list of complaints, do you jump on the bandwagon? Negativity bias!
On the flip side, we have far more positive experiences every day, but they are short-lived, fleeting moments. When we are not mindful of the present moment, these micro-moments of positivity can go unnoticed. If we become more aware of these hundreds of positive moments each day, we can change how we feel and function for the better. Think about the range of positive emotions that we feel. We feel love, gratitude, peace, awe, joy, curiosity, excitement, hope, amusement, and inspiration daily.
According to Dr. Fredrickson's Broaden and Build Theory, positive emotions open us both literally and figuratively. Happy people see more with their eyes; their peripheral vision expands. When we experience positive emotions, we are able to broaden our perspective, see the big picture, think outside the box, and become more creative in our problem-solving.
When we experience positive emotions, it also changes how we physically move in the world and how we carry ourselves. For a moment, picture yourself in a very sad state. What is your posture like? How is your body positioned? I picture myself curled up in the fetal position, head down, arms crossed against my chest, as if I'm trying to close off to everything. Did you picture anything similar?
Now, try to picture the opposite—a joyful moment of celebration. You are happy and excited. What do you see now? I picture an open posture, arms spread out, a big smile across my face, and eyes wide open. Can you picture a difference in how you physically carry yourself when you feel positive vs. negative emotions?
Here's one more thing to think about because it happened to me recently. I was mad about something that had happened at work. I was stomping around the house, hands clenched in fists, and my jaw was clamped shut. Everything about me was tense and focused on the negative event that had just happened.
Enter my beloved, who loves to make me laugh. He said something hilarious, which I cannot share in this family-friendly blog. It was so funny that I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. I wanted to stay mad, but I couldn't. And, with that burst of laughter came a release of tension throughout my body and mind. My fists and jaw unclenched, I stopped stomping, my shoulders relaxed, and I could smile. That thing I was so mad about didn't seem as extreme anymore. I started to see some new ways to handle the bad situation.
Those positive emotions opened me up physically and figuratively. I could see something besides the thing that was making me so mad, and I felt so much lighter. When we move towards the positive, we can increase our happiness and productivity.
What if you could increase the number of positive emotions you feel each day by just 3%? Would that be beneficial? If you'd like to experiment, here are a few things to try.
Set a timer to go off two or three times per day. When it goes off, stop what you are doing for a few seconds and think about one good thing that has happened in the past few hours. It doesn't have to be a big, life-changing event. Look for the micro-moments, such as the lovely person who held the door for you, the pleasant smell of your body lotion, or that you had food to eat in your home.
Commit an act of kindness. Do something nice for someone else. Share a kind word or a smile, help them with a task, or give a big tip to that waitress or delivery person.
Take three deep breaths when you first get up in the morning and think of something you are grateful for.
Please turn off the bad news and replace it with something funny, intellectually stimulating, or inspiring.
Catch yourself having a good moment and then savor it.
Share a positive story with someone you love.
I hope those ideas get you started on the path to more happiness and positivity in your day.
Wishing you an abundant life,
Karen
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